


Breathe

by ABrighterDarkness



Series: PoTS Stocking Exchange [10]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers Family, Family, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21672850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ABrighterDarkness/pseuds/ABrighterDarkness
Summary: When Steve's demons come out to play, he leans on his family to regain his feet.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: PoTS Stocking Exchange [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1626244
Comments: 3
Kudos: 34
Collections: POTS (18+) Stony Stocking 2019, Stevie just needs a hug🥺





	Breathe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [avengersandco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/avengersandco/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [avengersandco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/avengersandco/pseuds/avengersandco) in the [stony_stocking_2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/stony_stocking_2019) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> 1) avengers&co#4645
> 
> 2) -hurt/comfort involving mental health  
> -avengers as a family  
> -stony w/ kids (superfamily or not)
> 
> 3)-After hitting a rough patch with their mental health, steve or tony (or peter if you wanna make it superfamily) is on an upward swing toward recovery, with tons of support surrounding them, both from their partner and the team  
> -Steve or Tony taking longer on a mission than originally intended, which stressed kid or teen peter out more than he cares to admit  
> -One of them is a single parent and meets the other one through or because of their child (child’s teacher, child literally ran into other person, both single parents, etc)
> 
> 4) DNW: Explicit sex, M!preg, identity porn, pure angst (aka angst w/ no happy ending), one partner hurt the other partner, character bashing, CACW discourse
> 
> 5) Additional tags/notes: pepper and/or Morgan being involved is totally fine, college/high school au’s are great, as are soulmates. Really do enjoy focus on mental illness/health

Everyone always wanted to talk about the ice. And everything that he experienced after. Which, he supposed, was understandable. Crashing into the ocean, being frozen to death, only to not die and wake up decades later was a pretty significant life event, after all. 

Steve honestly wished those were his only concerns. The only things that his mind lingered on and clung to when he slowed down enough to let himself sleep. To dream. 

What people seemed to forget, or at least regulated to a lower level of significance, was the simple fact that Steve Rogers marched through war. The things he saw, the things he witnessed? The lives that were stolen from  _ right next to him _ . The lives he was forced to take?

Those weighed just as heavily some nights. It wasn’t that long ago, not to him, even if the world had long since recovered and grown past that particular war only to sink into one after another after another ever since. 

Maybe they didn’t forget and they just didn’t understand? Steve supposed that explanation offered the benefit of the doubt.

Not that offering anyone the benefit did him any good on the fifth consecutive night 2am wake ups courtesy of flashing blue weapons that dusted the poor souls they struck and the bullets that left their targets screaming in pain. Of cold and rain and snow. Of loss. Of those goddamned  _ camps _ . 

He sat shivering on the couch, muscles so tight yet exhausted that he could do little more than tremble. He wasn’t really looking at anything. His thoughts were a jumbled mess of self-flagellation, remembered night terrors, and a sense of overwhelming despair. 

“Steve?” a soft voice called gently from his left accompanied by a hand coming to rest lightly on his forearm. Grounding but not restricting. 

“Didn’t mean t’ wake you,” Steve muttered tiredly, unable to bring himself to meet Tony’s worried gaze. 

“I didn’t go back to sleep. Just thought I’d give you some time,” Tony shrugged. “What do you need?”

“For it to stop? A break from this mess? T’ be able to sleep without being afraid--” he cut himself off abruptly and forced a shaky breath. “I don’t know, Tony.”

“Can I hold you?” the other man asked hesitantly. Steve felt guilty for causing his lover such uncertainty but he knew it wasn’t unwarranted. It wouldn’t be the first night terror that left him so rattled that he couldn’t handle touch without wanting to crawl out of his skin or, worse, lash out viciously. 

Unable to bring himself to verbally answer, Steve shuddered bodily before sinking sideways into Tony’s solid, grounding form. Familiar arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him into a secure hold, stroking his back soothingly and Steve burrowed his face in the curve of Tony’s neck, exhaling shakily. After a few long moments in the upright hold, Tony carefully tipped them back onto the couch, shifting them just enough that they were able to stretch out and Steve was able to rest his head comfortably against Tony’s chest, calmed slightly by the rhythmic beating of his heart.

One of Tony’s hands worked their way into his hair, stroking gently and he pressed soft kisses over Steve’s fear-sweat tacky forehead. “What was tonight’s visitor?” He asked quietly, tone even and making it clear that Steve could choose not to talk about it. 

He often chose that option.

“War,” Steve sighed. “Not all our HYDRA missions were as clean cut as propaganda reported. It...it was...I don’t know how to explain it.”

“It was war,” Tony spoke softly, lips pressed against the top of Steve’s head. 

“We weren’t infallible,” Steve frowned. “It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t...It wasn’t like one of those movies where everything’s so romanticized that anything slightly troubling is left out. It was dirty, bloody,  _ painful _ .”

“Was it a specific mission tonight?” Tony asked.

Steve shrugged, “Not really. A mash up of several and a few that never actually happened, thank god.”

Tony didn’t respond right away, instead continued the firm but gentle strokes down his back and held strong with his other arm. “You seem slightly more settled tonight?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Steve sighed. “At least I’m not so out of my mind that I can’t do this.” His arms tightened slightly around Tony’s waist. The previous nights had been bad, Steve knew. The ghosts of the dreams clung to him through the night and into the following days. Steve had felt exhausted, tetchy, and hollow. Even being held had offered him no relief from the plague of demons. Tony’s steady heartbeat, his rambling chatter, his simple, casual touches had offered no comfort and it had begun to wear on both men.

Steve could only hope that, just maybe his mind was calling a cease-fire sooner than later. 

“Don’t worry about that now,” Tony murmured. “I’m here. You’re here. You’re safe.”

For several long hours either man slept but neither could be bothered to move, either. At some point, though, Steve must have at least dozed off because he regained awareness to fingers combing softly through his hair and much more light in the room than there had been. He wasn’t sure of the time, still early morning he was sure, but he had apparently successfully slept for at least a short period of time. 

“Morning, gorgeous,” Tony said softly against his hair.

“Morning,” he echoed.

“How’re you feeling?” 

“I’m not sure yet,” Steve admitted. “Which is better than the last few mornings considering I felt horrible before they ever started.”

“Up for eating this morning?” Tony asked, a logical question considering his appetite abandoned him whenever his mind began unleashing terrors to his dreamscapes. 

Steve considered the question and then shook his head, “No. Don’t wanna have t’ move.”

“You make a good argument.” 

Steve could feel the small grin form against the top of his head and tightened his arms slightly in response. “I don’t feel as on edge, so far,” he admitted. “Still tired. Still raw. It still...hurts.”

“How about this,” Tony suggested, “I’ll get food, enough for all three meals, ordered and delivered and you and I can just hangout here for the day. Have a nice recovery day.”

“I can’t ask that of you, Tony,” Steve frowned, feeling inexplicably guilty. “I’ve already disrupted your work for the majority of the week. You don’t have to stay today too.”

“Actually I kinda do,” Tony sighed. “It’s been a rough couple days for both of us.  _ But _ even if I wasn’t feeling it too there’s no way in hell I would be leaving you alone to keep battling it on your own.”

“I can handle it,” Steve argued with a sigh.

“I know you can,” Tony conceded immediately. “I  _ know _ you can handle it but I’m not going to have you handle it all on your own. That’s why I’m here, right? We lean on each other.”

“Except you’ve been doing all the heavy lifting lately.”

“I’m sure you’ll find a creative way to make it up to me then,” Tony teased. When Steve shifted uncomfortably, Tony’s hand dropped to cup his chin and tilt it back before pressing a gentle kiss. “Hey, we’re both here and we’re both safe. Nothing else needs worrying about right now.”

Steve offered a weak smile but arched slightly into another kiss. “Thank you, Tony.”

“It’s my pleasure,” Tony smiled warmly. Steve was sure that Tony had said something more but Steve couldn’t fully comprehend what was going on around him. Instead, Tony’s constant presence kept him grounded, tethered. Somewhere in the midst of it all, sleep claimed him once more.

The next time Steve surfaced he had been shifted. He was no longer laying down with Tony, rather his head rested in the other man’s lap, fingers still working soothingly through his hair. Whether he had continued doing so while Steve slept or just picked it back up when he began stirring couldn’t be known.

“How’re you doing?” Tony asked softly.

“Steadier, I think,” Steve answered thoughtfully. “Needed the sleep.”

“Good,” Tony smiled warmly, hand shifting from Steve’s hair to stroke a thumb gently down his cheek. “You sound a bit steadier. Up for a bit of company?”

Steve stiffened slightly and pushed himself upright, running a hand over his face before scratching over his scalp. “I suppose so. Haven’t really seen much of the team lately.”

“Kid’s been asking about you, too,” Tony offered with a fond smile. “But if you’re not up to it they can wait another day.”

“Nah,” Steve dismissed. “No sense in avoiding them.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, Tony,” Steve replied with a slight smile at Tony’s protectiveness, the most he could manage just yet. “I’m a little ragged but every one of us has our demons. No sense hiding away and pretending that mine don’t exist.”

“It’s pushing nine,” Tony said thoughtfully. “Most of them will be staggering into the common area for breakfast, if you’re up for it?”

Steve considered the notion and nodded slowly, “I should eat. Try at least.”

“One request,” At Steve’s questioning expression, Tony smirked, “Shower first and then food.”

“Tryin’ to tell me I stink, Stark?” Steve teased with another small but warming smile. 

“Not  _ trying _ to tell you anything, Rogers. I  _ am _ telling you that you’re a bit rank,” Tony bantered back. His teasing grinned softened and he leaned forward to press a soft kiss to Steve’s lips and Steve felt himself sag into the gentle affection. 

“It’s good to see that smile again,” Tony said quietly, resting his forehead against Steve’s. Steve slipped his arms around Tony’s waist again and tried to find a way to verbalize how grateful he was for Tony’s presence over the previous nights but everything seemed to fall flat. 

Slowly, Tony withdrew from the contact and studied Steve intently for a moment before giving him a nudge, “Okay off you go. Get cleaned up and feeling human so we can go get some food in you.”

Steve huffed a laugh but obediently rose from the couch, pressing a kiss to Tony’s forehead on the way up. He shuffled through the bedroom and into the attached bathroom and froze at his reflection in the mirror. No wonder Tony had wanted him to try to clean up. He looked haggard and far more disheveled than he typically allowed himself to become. His fingers traced his jaw, remembering Tony’s thumb tracing over the scruff on his cheek and he smiled softly, deciding to leave it for the time being. 

The hot water felt like a miracle worker. Pounding into his stiff and tired muscles, soothing the almost week long nightmare hangover, and easing him out of some of his leftover grogginess. There was no denying that the last several days had been trying on both of them. Steve didn’t get that way often. He didn’t let himself. He stuffed it down, down, down and dealt with it when he had a free moment. Sometimes though, the stubbornness of his demons outweighed that of his mind and they broke free. Nightmares were commonplace anymore. They were nightly occurrences ever since he received the serum and was dealt the bloody hand that went along with it. He had problems with sleep in general since the ice. But he tried to maintain control. It grated when he couldn’t.

If he was honest with himself though, Steve wasn’t sure what he would have done without Tony’s patience and caring. That man truly was a gift. Something that Steve had come to the realization that Tony only pretended to believe.

Steve quickly finished his shower, toweled and redressed in a t-shirt and comfortable jogging pants before rejoining Tony in the living room, “Ready?”

“Oh, you kept it,” Tony said with a small grin, gesturing to his own face.

“Seemed like you liked it a bit, I’ll shave it another time,” Steve answered, making his way across the room to pull Tony into a hug, sinking back into the comfort when Tony’s arms snaked around him. “Thank you, Tony.”

“For what?” Tony responded, puzzled.

“It’s been a rough few days,” Steve shrugged. “Thanks for sticking it out with me. I know it wasn’t easy and I know I didn’t make it any easier.”

“Nowhere I’d rather be,” Tony said solemnly. “C’mon. Pete’s already demanding our presence since they know we’re up and going.”

Steve had to admit, a few hours later with Peter curled against his side with his feet in Tony’s lap that the company of his team, his  _ family _ , was a much needed balm after the last week. Natasha’s fingers scratching through his hair as she passed on her way to bring more snacks from the kitchen. Sam’s steady presence and firm hand on his shoulder when they’d arrived on the common level. The little, casual things that seeped so deep down inside and soothed the ache on his psyche, settled him.

For the first time in too many days, Steve felt like he could actually breathe again.


End file.
